You make me feel ugly and unattractive. You’re not supposed to do that; you’re supposed to adore me and worship me. It’s not enough that you tell me I’m “pretty.” I’m not pretty. I’m not supposed to be just “pretty.” No princess is just “pretty.”
You’re supposed to be the guy who’s putting me up high on a pedestal. However, you’re doing the complete opposite. Not just because you know I wouldn’t leave you, it doesn’t give you the free pass to make me feel the way I’m feeling right now.
It hurts, you know. It’s one of the worst feelings ever.
Because this has to stop
January 6, 2012
Dear Mr. Chubbycheeks,
I need to stop this because we want different things. I want a real relationship. A relationship with you, siguro. But I know I won’t be getting it from you. Ever. I want something more tangible than this. I want something to hold on to. An assurance, maybe. An assurance that there’s a tiny hope in this so-called rendezvous with you. And for you? I don’t really know what you want.
I want someone who’d like me and appreciate me for who I am. I know you do, and you were such a great friend when I needed you the most. But I need someone who’ll see and value my worth. I want a relationship where I know where I stand. I want a relationship that I know, and I’m assured, that it’s just me and no one else.
Kasi, kung ako naman talaga, eh di ako talaga. Pero alam kong hindi. Kaya nga kahit anong pilit sakin ng mga tao na tanungin ka, ayoko. Kasi, alam ko naman magiging sagot mo, and I just don’t want to hear it from you. I don’t need another slap on my face from the harsh truth that it would never be me. Try as I might to understand why you can’t like me (or even love me, for that matter), I know you just can’t.
I know I’m girlfriend-material naman eh. Mabait naman ako. Maalagain ako. Malambing. I can give you all my time if that’s what you want. I can give you so much more. I’m not really selfish, and it’s ok with me if you wanna hang out with your friends. I can “offer” you a lot. And yet, hindi pa rin ako.
I don’t know kung meron bang kulang sa akin. Di ko alam kung ba’t hindi ako. Gustong-gusto ko malaman, pero natatakot ako. What I might hear might not be pretty, and I may not be strong enough to take it all in.
I know I wanted this in the first place. It’s just that, I never thought it’ll come to this.